Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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