I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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