I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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