i just google imaged poop.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
