The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
