If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
