direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
