this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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