I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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