My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize