a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
