I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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