I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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