Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
