we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
