These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
