Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
