i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
