how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
