Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize