I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
