I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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