Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
