I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Be still, my beating vagina.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
