so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
