took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
