My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
