We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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