so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize