i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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