just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
3pm strippers are depressing
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Panties = found
Randomize
