she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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