You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
