I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
