so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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