I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
