Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize