dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
