I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
