i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
