dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize