did you get engaged???
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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