i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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