too bad you live with your parents still
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
