I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
