i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
