Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
