Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
