Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
