Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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