Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I deserve this hangover.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
