She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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