i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
