Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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