I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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