I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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