No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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