It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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