I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize