I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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