The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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