I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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