But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
