Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
