I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
