he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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