Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
