he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
why is half of my head shaved?
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