fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
